There was a 5-Color event in the wake of the Great Sundering where a player ordered fish and chips requesting white vinegar. The server said fish and chips wouldn’t be coming in until the next day but they could make them now (whiskey tango foxtrot). He received his dish with malt instead of white vinegar and left in a huff, me thinking he’d abandoned those who came with him when he returned with a bottle of white vinegar. We all looked at him curiously when he raised his head and said simply “I’m Canadian”.
Tag: 5-Color
Acetic Acid Purist
There was a 5-Color event in the wake of the Great Sundering where a player ordered fish and chips requesting white vinegar. The server said fish and chips wouldn’t be coming in until the next day but they could make them now (whiskey tango foxtrot). He received his dish with malt instead of white vinegar and left in a huff, me thinking he’d abandoned those who came with him when he returned with a bottle of white vinegar. We all looked at him curiously when he raised his head and said simply “I’m Canadian”.
abuso de azúcar
After emerging tied for victorious at today’s 5-Color event we went for Victory Food at a family-run Mexican food place where the foodstuffs were periodically labeled in English. I’m still trying to figure out what huevos estrellados are as the term literally translates to star-shaped eggs but I think it may be non-fried fried eggs based on the Spanish Wikipedia article. I was unsure of what to drink after the server told me the juices of the only three things I could identify as fruits were out when she offered me horchata. I said sure and later got back a white liquid with ice in it served in what appeared to be a flower vase. I placed my straw in, took a sip, and got punched in the tongue with Christmas. I tasted like someone had made English pudding into a drink or possibly bottled Santa’s urine but it was sweet, nutmeggy and cinnamony.
I don’t usually drink sweet beverages except for the periodic milkshake and the sounds of my Islets of Langerhans yelling “incoming!” was probably audible to the other patrons. Each sip tasted more and more like something served at a reading of A Christmas Carol and the sweetness intensified as I got further down. I could feel my brain starting to slow down and apparently my speech did as I neared the bottom and my pancreas waved the white flag of defeat. As I danced closer to a life depicted in Wilford Brimley commercials Bob Tait looks across the table at my wrecked state and asked the server for a tall cup of the stuff to go.
Afterword: I thought the server orignally said “we have rice milk or chata” not “we have rice milk horchata” so when a game mate asked what we had and I mentioned chata he picked that up as the name. He left to get some. Apparently chata is a derogatory term for someone who’s flat-chested. I wonder what he got served.
Funny In Retrospect
A conversationlet of the following first few lines occurred after a 5-Color event a month or so ago. I mentioned this to Joe Naylor who found it quite funny and after we had some embellishment got something that could possibly turn into a Whitest Kids You Know skit.
Person 1: Wow, they really gave me a lot of marinara sauce with my shrimp.
Person 2: Really? How much?
Person 1: I’ve gone through all of my entree dipping each bite before consuming.
Person 2: Did you dip your balls in it just to make sure?
Person 1: Of course.
Person 2: You should alert our waiter. Waiter!
Waiter: Yes?
Person 1: You gave me an excessive amount of marinara sauce.
Waiter: Ok.
Person 1: I even dipped my balls in it as a last measure and there’s still quite a bit left.
Waiter: Well, that is quite a problem. I apologize for giving you too much marinara such that even after dipping your balls in it there’s still too much. Might I interest you in a courtesy piece of pie for your inconvenience?
Person 1: And….
Waiter: And a finger bowl into which you can dip your marinara-covered balls.
Person 1: Thank you.
I wonder how it could turn into a campfire skit.
5-Color at Six Feet Under Games 10 Jan 09
Each attempt to post this as an article on 5-Color.com resulted in a slightly larger fail than the previous attempt, so I figured I’d just post it here as an article.Continue reading
5-Color Injuries
The 5-Color event went well and Mike and I got to show off our wicked pimp challies including the gayest toast imaginable.
That’s John Jones in the background getting in on the coolness of the moment.
The whole ordeal was improved by Mike’s pimp shirt:
Bling Bling
I don’t know if it’s correlated but, today I woke up to terrible back pain. Sitting hurts, and negotiating a shower requires a kibuki-like dance to cover everything without muscle pain. Apparently I 5-colored harder than I thought. Alternatively, I was attacked by ninjas in my sleep. Based on the lack of damage to my home I fended them off successfully but at some personal cost.
Chicago Travel Notes
- The middle seat of a minivan is usually roomier than the front seat if the vehicle was built before 2005.
- Ask anyone going on a long trip if the have bowel problems first, if so give them diapers and ban them from approaching soda machines.
- Never insult the driver, even if he can’t hear you yell at him to avoid the car in the next lane because he has earbuds in.
- Hardee’s makes a great burger, and if it’s your first time, a wonderful solid Draino.
- If they have a big collection of cards, they’re probably fat, if they have good points, they’re probably pale, if they refuse to identify themselves, they’re probably that dick from the forums.
- Never have the last waffle made before the batter is changed at a motel breakfast bar.
- Red Lobster is just nice enough that poor people dress up to go there, like I did as a kid going to the Ground Round.
- Love handles block A/C vents.
- Driving at 85 but stopping every hour to pee or get gas averages out to above 65.
- Chicago has 80 cent tolls. Yep, you heard me, 80 cent tolls. I’ve never left a city with more dimes.
- Two people who are both light sleepers and snore should not share a room.
- Never insult the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Never hit on the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Never hit the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Chicago apparently puts it fountains in bathrooms (broken urinal) while Philly puts them in park squares.
- The driver should not be allowed to participate in the time honored game of holding your breath through a tunnel if the tunnel is more than a mile long…. or there’s traffic.
Pictures coming soon.
Impromptu Writing Instruments
The 5-Color event went quite well to the point that Mr. Folsom had both fun and victory of someone whose last name didn’t rhyme with “olsom”. At Cheeburger Cheeburger afterwards our check took an inordinate period of time to arrive so Mykie decided to leave feedback. Lacking a pen he started going in with horseradish sauce and did quite a nice job. But it was damn hard to read. Until I attacked it with Cheeburger Cheeburger’s shitty spice mix, and voila!
It was really quite impressive at the time. This was followed up with the “I crushed a pounder” picture for the three at our table who’d consumed heartily. But, by the time the photo was actually taken, only two other customers were left in the store.
e-Tournament Trials
I had the idea of holding a tournament online to promote the obscure variant of Magic I greatly enjoy and this weekend I played my first sequence of matches and then decided to try recording another match with screen capture software. So I Skype’d Tom Folsom and began playing. Midway through his brother Ed decided to get in and the line was immediately dominated by the dumb Folsom twin who sounded like his microphone was instead a brass victrola horn. He said he wouldn’t say much until 20 minutes leader all I hear is “oh, God! Don’t throw up on my bed” followed by Tom yelling “No, don’t throw up on my shoes” followed by both lines going dead.
Apparently the Folsom’s recently got a new dog that they paid for (I don’t understand people who pay for pets) that has a penchant for throwing up. My dog was free and on the hole has stopped throwing up.  These are complications I didn’t plan for in doing an e-Tournament. I’m curious to see what round 2 holds. A cat having a seizure? A heroine-crazed Brian Dennehy punching you in the solarplexis? Who knows!
No creative title!
The 5-C tournament had more participants than the T2 Tournament. Â Tee hee hee. Â Anyway, while playing against another player’s B team, we got rather noisy, which is par for me and a bit of crowd gathered to see basic land after basic land come into play and horrible common creatures like Silkwing Scout deliver beatings. Â I then get a voicemail message from the TO: “I don’t know if you can hear this, but try to keep it down, you’ve got a bit of crowd so that should hold in the noise, but please keep it down”. Â The beauty is that I put my phone ringer as “1-beep” so I don’t hear it most of the time. Â This would explain why I got the evil eyeball a 1/2 dozen times when I looked at the TO.