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I’ve been running Engineering merit badge over the past few months for a troop and one requirement is to document power usage in your home for 10 devices, documenting its wattage and estimated monthly usage.  Below is listed one Scout’s device/wattage draw info.

Dryer – 100 watts
Nintendo Wii – 700 watts
Oven – 800 watts
Washing Machine – 4,000 watts
Lightbulb – 10,000 watts

Hm… My guess is that his dryer consists of a table fan and a CFL, his Wii is diesel powered, his washing machine is a jet turbine and he lives either in a lighthouse or at the top of the Luxor.  In any case, I’d love to see his woodchipper/blender and the Farraday cage he sleeps in so his fillings aren’t pulled out by the transformer for his 15,000 watt phone.

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I’ve been running Engineering merit badge over the past few months for a troop and one requirement is to document power usage in your home for 10 devices, documenting its wattage and estimated monthly usage.  Below is listed one Scout’s device/wattage draw info.

Dryer – 100 watts
Nintendo Wii – 700 watts
Oven – 800 watts
Washing Machine – 4,000 watts
Lightbulb – 10,000 watts

Hm… My guess is that his dryer consists of a table fan and a CFL, his Wii is diesel powered, his washing machine is a jet turbine and he lives either in a lighthouse or at the top of the Luxor.  In any case, I’d love to see his woodchipper/blender and the Farraday cage he sleeps in so his fillings aren’t pulled out by the transformer for his 15,000 watt phone.

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I’m pretty principled when it comes to not buying things that people I don’t like buy.  But I may have to change that.
Ryan: How’s the camera working out?
Me: Pretty well.  I’m shooting about 100-200 pictures a week.  I’m thinking of getting a macro lens.
Ryan: Yeah, *guy I can’t stand* just got one.
Me: Damn it!  First he makes me stop reading New Scientist and now this.  He’s really is a jerk.

I really want that macro lens though.  I heard he got a telephoto lens too but that was 3rd hand so I think I’m safe.  I may have to abandon photography to avoid more of these heartbreaking losses.

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For tours, my workplace usually plays some animations of how our products work but due to one area being closed we had to replace it with something else.  Instead of said video, the blinds to the CAD area were opened so folk could peer in at the marvels of technology and design.  The person sitting next to the window opened up a drawing of our pouch and resumed his work.

Coworker 1: You can’t work on that!
Coworker 2: But this is what the work order is for.
Coworker 1: No no no.  Show them something good.
Coworker 2: Like what?
Coworker 1: Open one of the demo drawings that comes with the software like the 20 ton stonecrusher or the jet airplane wing.
Coworker 2: *opens plane wing* Now what do I do?
Coworker 1: Spin it, add a pouch to it, make sure it’s moving.  If it’s not spinning fast enough it’s not high tech.

By the time the tour came around, he had created a pinwheel out of airplane wings spinning at quite a healthy clip.  TECHNOLOGY, OOOOOOH.

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Swine flu is now as likely to kill you as being assaulted by any corrosive substance at all.  We’re talking both acids and bases here, people.  It’s also as deadly as:

  • drinking sooo much that the fibrous scar tissue on your liver starts severing things and your abdomenal cavity fills with… stuff
  • a congenital defect of the eyelid
  • contact with hot air (excluding steam)
  • contact with a marine mammal (deadly as a dolphin!)
  • accidental exposure to cold of man-made origin

A side note, during my research I kept finding “death from benign x tumor”.  Doesn’t sound so benign does it?  Did people get tumorslapped to death or have one dropped on them like a piano?

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A conversationlet of the following first few lines occurred after a 5-Color event a month or so ago.  I mentioned this to Joe Naylor who found it quite funny and after we had some embellishment got something that could possibly turn into a Whitest Kids You Know skit.

Person 1: Wow, they really gave me a lot of marinara sauce with my shrimp.
Person 2: Really? How much?
Person 1: I’ve gone through all of my entree dipping each bite before consuming.
Person 2: Did you dip your balls in it just to make sure?
Person 1: Of course.
Person 2: You should alert our waiter.  Waiter!
Waiter: Yes?
Person 1: You gave me an excessive amount of marinara sauce.
Waiter: Ok.
Person 1: I even dipped my balls in it as a last measure and there’s still quite a bit left.
Waiter: Well, that is quite a problem.  I apologize for giving you too much marinara such that even after dipping your balls in it there’s still too much.  Might I interest you in a courtesy piece of pie for your inconvenience?
Person 1: And….
Waiter: And a finger bowl into which you can dip your marinara-covered balls.
Person 1: Thank you.

I wonder how it could turn into a campfire skit.

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The first few printed images came out ok but I found after printing a few portraits, this only applied to greyscale or bright colors.  Skin tones looked a spot odd as done by my quadtych of Kyle Harris ranging from ghoulish to gangrenous.  I also have a few profile pictures of Randy Booz where he looks like he recently became either a vampire or a mime.  I purchased a monitor calibrator to fix what seems to be the excessive warmth of my monitor and was stunned.  I’ve apparently been producing portraiture for some type of emo mausoleum or possibly a image survey appropriate for the color blind. Sometimes the truth hurts.

So I started printing out stuff to adorn my non-cubical walls at work but all my pictures are nature or people in stereotypical poses.  Either they’ll I ripped off issues of National Geographic or failed to remove the placeholder image from the frame.  I’ve compromised by making picture frames out of a pizza box and picking the oddest poses I could muster.

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I purchased a large format printer and the first print black and white with a single color print I did from it was gorgeous.  I then moved on to other pictures and quickly discovered that color calibration was the bane of amateur printers everywhere.  I went to OfficeMax to grab some testing paper of 8.5″ x 11″ semi-glossy at 25 cents a sheet instead of blowing 2 bucks and a gallon of ink for each botched 13″ x 19″.  The paper appeared to be buy-one-get-one-free deal so clicked my heels as I danced to the counter.

Salesperson: These aren’t covered by the buy-one-get-one-free deal.
Me: Frown.  It was the only one that didn’t have a sign in front of it saying say from the spectrum of construction paper to super glossy so I suppose I don’t have an excuse to get surly.
Salesperson: Oooh, surly good word.  I’ve always liked it. *wink*
*I return with appropriate paper*
Salesperson: Do you know what other work I like besides surly?
Me: No…
Salesperson: *one syllable at a time* Cur-mudg-eon-ly.*Head tilt, eye-brow lower*
*Leave store*
Me: Kyle, did I just get hit on via the word  curmudgeonly from a middle-aged OfficeMax attendant?
Kyle: Maybe, but I’d rather not think about it.
Me: Agreed.

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I purchased a portable compressor to inflate the various funspheres at the camporee and went to return in as after spending some time charging it wasn’t yet showing a charge.  The return was, tough.

Me: I’d like to return this compressor, it’s not charging.
Salesperson: They tend to take a while to charge, are you sure it charged long enough?
Me: Yes, it’s been charging for 72 hours.
Salesperson: Well, it can take almost a day.  Are you sure it charged long enough?
Me: That’s three days.
Salesperson: It is possible to charge it too much, have you discharged it at all?
Me: *waits a moment* Please, just let me return it.
Salesperson: Ok.

I enjoy the impossibility of the ssalesperson’s penultimate statement.  If it couldn’t be discharged because it was overcharged, how would I discharge it?  Also, how could you overcharge a battery to the point where the device showed it needed to be charged?  I would love to meet the vengeful engineer who designed a battery that operated like a Super Mario Bros 2 where if you went off one side you’d appear on the other.  You’d just let the battery continually charge and either time it to disconnect it at the right time or play a wonderful game of roulette with your emergency compressor.  Will it work?  Will it charge?  No one knows!