Dad’s jean collection for the most part consists of things that lie somewhere between “rugged” and “vapor” so for Christmas I decided to get him some jeans. Â To not give away the secret I looked through the laundry to find the smallest pair knowing it’d be my father’s. Â I found a beat up pair of 32 x 29s and quickly purchased a number of pairs and put the laundry back in my dad’s hamper. Â This morning, my brother’s girlfriend was unable to find the pair of jeans she threw in my brother’s laundry and I quickly realized I had 4 incoming pairs of jeans that would fit no one in my house but my brother’s girlfriend. Â I found out that Chris Lutz wears a 32 x 30 and figure I can unroll the cuff to cover the difference. Â No one tell him from where the secret bounty of denim he received for Christmas came.
Apple foot, tasty
My brother has recently taken a fancy to scented candles. Â Today I noticed the one burning was Apple Pie and noticed the below the title the label said “Pie de manzana” which I assume is Spanish. Â Literally translated, this comes out to “apple foot”, a condition I’d rather not smell in candle form.
Panini makers, not just for sandwiches
I’m trying to make shirts for a Christmas gift for my fathering involving Iron On decals.  In a flash of insight I decided a flat constant heat panini maker might work.  So, I ventured to Macy’s which had a panini maker on sale and began looking for a sandwich maker with a flat surface.  As I looked around, a sales attendent asked me what I was looking for and I told her a panini maker with even heating and before I could say “and a flat surface” she launched in a detailed analysis of each proposing I purchase this one.  I said I need a flat one and she looked at me and recommended a non-flat one, this happened a few more times until she finally asked why I needed a flat one and said plainly “Some people use panini makers to make t-shirts, not just sandwiches”, and she looked blankly as I walked away self-righteously.
The Messiah of Massacre
My IH0051 instructor gave us a take home final that we had to email him. Â I doubt he will read the whole thing so I’ve included the following in the section Compare the historical and theological Jesus. “Finally, Jesus is often portrayed as peaceful and while Yeshua of Nazereth was the father of modern ninjutsu and is called the shinobi of God by theologically minded ninjas especially during the pre-Tokugawa dynasties of feudal
Like an amoeba but ugly
Every day I take the train I return on the 4:00 PM R3 and there is a morbidly obese women that sits at the train station and reads trashy romance novels. Â Today, I returned from taking a final and in her place I saw two women with the same color hair sitting in the spot of the obese women and I thought to myself “Oh my God, she’s gotten so big she’s finally divided!”
Dressing as a Christmas goose
I went to a Christmas Pageant with Dave Senior at the School at Church Farm, and wasn’t terribly interested in going. Â So, I did what any reasonable person would do, I wore the most hideous combination of clothing possible. Â I shall post a picture shortly.
I are talk good
I purchased a number of pieces of exercise equipment for my brother for Christmas and while he was at work I tested and tweaked them all so they’d hopefully function as he wanted when he actually received them. Â After testing the stair stepper I failed to hide it and my brother found it in my room while i was using the computer.
Him: “Where’d you get the stairstepper?”
Me: “I found it”
Him: “Where?”
Me: “In the garbage” – Good job me! Make him think I scrounged his gifts!
Him: “Who was throwing it away?”
Me: “The gym stuff store” – Best cover ever!
Him: “Okay”
For those who say I only post my verbal triumphs here’s a fabulous example of what happens when I forget how to talk.
I can't hear you over my dumb
The camp’s floor buffer was apparently broken and after some testing I determined it was the hand switch that was broken so you had to manually run the buffer by plugging the motor itself directly into the wall which would instantly send the device into operation.  I showed the intricate process of plugging the device directly into the wall to Anthony Celona, the camp dullard, and walked to the office.  At the office I got a call from Anthony who had forgotten how to turn on the buffer.
Me:”Anthony”
Anthony:”Yes, Terry”
Me:”Facing the buffer, do you see the thing that looks like a power cord”
Anthony:“Yes”
Me:”That’s the power cord, now do you see the thing that looks like an electric socket”
Anthony:”Yes”
Me:”Put the thing that looks like a power cord into the thing that looks like an electric socket”
Anthony:”Did you say something, I can’t hear you over the floor buffer”
I fear when I return to camp I may depend on his unique technical talents to fill this page. Â Each day will simply become him trying to operate some device like an electric pencil sharpener followed by either the dollar value of the damage he caused with it our the amount of blood loss it caused.
I can't hear you over my dumb
The camp’s floor buffer was apparently broken and after some testing I determined it was the hand switch that was broken so you had to manually run the buffer by plugging the motor itself directly into the wall which would instantly send the device into operation.  I showed the intricate process of plugging the device directly into the wall to Anthony Celona, the camp dullard, and walked to the office.  At the office I got a call from Anthony who had forgotten how to turn on the buffer.
Me:”Anthony”
Anthony:”Yes, Terry”
Me:”Facing the buffer, do you see the thing that looks like a power cord”
Anthony:“Yes”
Me:”That’s the power cord, now do you see the thing that looks like an electric socket”
Anthony:”Yes”
Me:”Put the thing that looks like a power cord into the thing that looks like an electric socket”
Anthony:”Did you say something, I can’t hear you over the floor buffer”
I fear when I return to camp I may depend on his unique technical talents to fill this page. Â Each day will simply become him trying to operate some device like an electric pencil sharpener followed by either the dollar value of the damage he caused with it our the amount of blood loss it caused.
It's actually a hologram
So it has begun. Now is the “aren’t you cold wearing shorts?” season. Â Having done so for 10 years I take it in stride. Â I plan on adding section with a running list of my responses and it will start with today: Â “Aren’t you cold?” “No, my hatred of people who insist on the Dvorak keyboard layout keeps me warm”.