I go through about 1.5 liters of soda a day and have tired of bringing new bottles into work each week. I can feel the receptionist judging me as I walk by with a armload of 2 liter bottles although, being a receptionist, she is judging me regardless.

The setup is simple and operation easy. Here are my thoughts:

  • The notion of “fresh” soda is alien to me. Some things don’t get better fresh. I don’t care about fresh sugar, rice, nice or oatmeal, nor do I care about fresh soda.
  • I’m a procedure person and the quality of bottle to bottle seems hard to keep.
  • I do like the ability to adjust the level of carbonation.
  • Most of the flavors are just far enough off to what they emulate that it’s a bit too ersatz for me.
  • The exception to the above is “Diet Energy” which is a spot on copy Red Bull for about 1/10th the price per serving.
  • The fruity flavors lack in fruitiness.

The cost effectiveness for most of the regular flavors is debatable as a serving clocks in at about 55 cents per liter.  This is only a bit below the 66 cents per liter I pay for name brand when purchased in quantity while on sale and is well above what I would pay for a store brand at around 44 cents a liter.  Iced tea runs me about 35 cents a liter and bottled water 32.  I’m paying for convenience EXCEPT in the case of Diet Energy which is ludicrously cost effective.

I received a list of about 20 tests to perform to characterize a product and I started picking them off one by one but had a question and walked over the requester’s office where he was happily munching on the fudge I brought in.  He asked me if I had tried any of the fudge brought back from a meeting, I told him I made it and he froze up.  I asked him about a test method and how tricky it would be and he told me to not do it, so I returned to the list.

About 2 hours later, I had another question and went to his office to find him drinking a Pepsi Max.  I told him it was odd that we both liked Pepsi Max and brought in 20 oz bottles as well, he said he got it from a meeting so I pressed him for the location.  He said the refrigerator and again froze up on finding out he was consuming something of mine.  He again told me to skip the test about which I had a question as well as two others.

I wonder if I could convince him that I supplied the building’s toilet paper.

Meetings at work have slowly become more common and the arts of foraging (taking food after a meeting) and poaching (the daring taking of food before a meeting) has returned.  Today, a meeting ended and there were about 30 cans of various colas left so I grabbed 12 or so (two in each front pocket, one in the back pocket, two each in the front pockets in my lab coat, and one in each of the other three pockets.)  I was walking back to my desk when:

George: Did you take any of the sodas from that meeting down the hall, I have a meeting in there afterwards.
Me:  I can’t lie, *looks at lab coat* no.
George: Did you at least leave the regular cokes?
Me: Yeah.  Just took the diet iced teas
George: Good, the diet gives you cancer and the tea gives you kidney stones.
Me: Worth it.

One advantage to not taking drugs:  You can fuck with people who take urine samples.  Today I was scheduled to take a pee test for rememployment at BMS.  The last time I did, it was after a rather salty meal washed down with vitamin fortified apple juice, my pee could have been used to fill a glow stick.  This time, I was ready.  Things consumed in preparation for test:
2 liter bottle Diet Cream Soda
2 liter bottle Diet Mountain Dew
8 16 oz glasses of water
2 Bran Muffins
2 12 oz mugs of coffee
1 24 oz bottle of Powerade (so my heart wouldn’t stop beating after I flushed all the salts)

Needless to say, my wee was now roughly at substitute-for-surgical-wash stage.
I walk in to the test center unable to completely wipe the stupid smile from my face and after hearing the infinite safety precautions and being asked if I could “give a sample”  I receive my cup with a built in thermometer and go off to the bathroom.  I wait about 5 minutes, fill the container with pristine liquid waste, give it a minute to let the bubbles settle and walk out smiling.  The nurse takes the sample and after she gives it a confused look she walked out and I hear the following:
Nurse 1: “Does this look right to you?”
Nurse 2: “What do you mean?”
Nurse 1: “The color”
Nurse 2: “Did you dye the toilet bowl and tape the faucet?”
Nurse 1: “Yes, I turned the water off.”
Nurse 2: “Were there bubbles?”
Nurse 1: “Not that I could see”
Nurse 2: “Well, shake it a bit and see if they’re any”
Nurse 1: “Thank God”

I look forward to the next one where I try to see if I can get it to be a color besides yellow or clear.  I know Frankenberry Crunch can change the color of your feces, I wonder if a similar trick works on other waste…

One advantage to not taking drugs:  You can fuck with people who take urine samples.  Today I was scheduled to take a pee test for rememployment at BMS.  The last time I did, it was after a rather salty meal washed down with vitamin fortified apple juice, my pee could have been used to fill a glow stick.  This time, I was ready.  Things consumed in preparation for test:
2 liter bottle Diet Cream Soda
2 liter bottle Diet Mountain Dew
8 16 oz glasses of water
2 Bran Muffins
2 12 oz mugs of coffee
1 24 oz bottle of Powerade (so my heart wouldn’t stop beating after I flushed all the salts)

Needless to say, my wee was now roughly at substitute-for-surgical-wash stage.
I walk in to the test center unable to completely wipe the stupid smile from my face and after hearing the infinite safety precautions and being asked if I could “give a sample”  I receive my cup with a built in thermometer and go off to the bathroom.  I wait about 5 minutes, fill the container with pristine liquid waste, give it a minute to let the bubbles settle and walk out smiling.  The nurse takes the sample and after she gives it a confused look she walked out and I hear the following:
Nurse 1: “Does this look right to you?”
Nurse 2: “What do you mean?”
Nurse 1: “The color”
Nurse 2: “Did you dye the toilet bowl and tape the faucet?”
Nurse 1: “Yes, I turned the water off.”
Nurse 2: “Were there bubbles?”
Nurse 1: “Not that I could see”
Nurse 2: “Well, shake it a bit and see if they’re any”
Nurse 1: “Thank God”

I look forward to the next one where I try to see if I can get it to be a color besides yellow or clear.  I know Frankenberry Crunch can change the color of your feces, I wonder if a similar trick works on other waste…