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All day I was laboring under a device specialist who came to repair one of our larger devices and have been met with nothing but curt snideness.  This afternoon, that snapped:

Him: Why can’t you find me the appropriate fitting?
Me: Because I have no idea what it looks like.
Him: And to think, you have a degree in mechanical engineering.
Me: Woah, I have a degree in Actuarial science. He, *points to boss’s office* is the guy with the useful degree.
Him: So what’s your expertise?
Me: Statistics.
Him: Surely you were trained in this device, though?
Me: Not a lick, figured it out via brute force and from the test method used to validate it.
Him: Looks like I’ve been a jerk to you all day.  I’m sorry.

Things don’t normally resolve themselves that nicely.  I could get used to this.

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Work was visited today by a group of students from Denmark.  I immediately noticed that they weren’t from around here as all of them were blonde and wore Converse All-Stars, they also spoke Danish.  Later that day, I walked by the following:

Coworker #1: The Copenhagen group couldn’t have looked any less interested.
Coworker #2: Maybe it’s cultural.
Coworker #1: Sure seemed like there were a lot of them.  How many three dozen?
Coworker #2: Not quite, I remembered with a simple rule.
Coworker #1: What’s that?
Coworker #2: 30 Danes hath September.

 

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I was asked to deploy a new software patch at work that involves me inserting a thumb drive and running a single large EXE file.  The hard part was arranging time for people to be at their desk and double click on said file.  Normally, I arrange to visit during lunch breaks but the last install I had to do occurred at about 4 PM.

Me: Do you mind if I do a quick update of your CAD stuff?
Coworker: How long will it take?
Me: A minute or two.
Coworker: Sure.  Sit down.

At this point, he literally pulled out a box of cereal from his desk and started eating it while watching me at the computer.

Me: You can go get coffee now or something.  I can do the rest myself.
Coworker: I’d rather watch.
Me: Ok.  *double clicks on file.  Runs update in about 30 seconds*
Coworker: That’s it?
Me: Yeah.
Coworker: Damn. *puts away box of cereal.*

Apparently tech support is a spectator sport.

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My boss’s boss approached me today with a computer issue.  His laptop had been reimaged with Windows XP SP3 and his sound card stopped working.  The in-house tech folks had worked on it for about six hours without success.  He asked me to fix it.  After a few hours I did.

Boss: What can I do to thank you for your help?
Me: Well, this isn’t the first time.
Boss: No, it isn’t.  You’re pretty reliable compared to our in-house people and seem to do it for the whole department.
Me: Yeah, more and more of my week is dedicated to helping other people with computer issues.  But it seems to work out in the department’s favor.
Boss: Very much so.
Me: So hire me to do it full-time.
Boss: No can do.
Me: How about we invent a new temp class where I get paid slightly more?
Boss: Can’t do that either.  How about we meet midway between “you get a new job” and “I give you nothing” with “I buy you lunch tomorrow”.
Me: Deal.

Tomorrow’s meal?  We eat the director of budgeting.

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Boss’s Boss: Terry.
Me: Yes.
Boss’s Boss: I need a picture that clearly shows how gas flows through one of our products.  Can you do it?
Me: Yes.  I’ll have it to you when I’m done.
Boss’s Boss: Good.

—Two days later—

Boss’s Boss: Thanks for the image.  Did you get busy with other stuff?
Me: No.  I’ve worked almost exclusively on this.
Boss’s Boss:  And it took you two days?
Me: Computers hard.
Boss’s Boss: Come to think of it, they are.  Good work, Terry.

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Blood donations tickle a strange combination of laziness, arrogance, sanctimony and altruism at least in me.  I like getting out of work for an hour while theoretically helping someone and I think a part of me thinks that who ever receives my blood donation will gain my superhuman powers of analogy.  Should sanguinous skill transfer ever pan out, I demand a pint of Carl Zimmer.  The donation itself was unremarkable and my donation person joked that donations were really a cover to implant Americans with some sort of tracking device used for sinister purposes.  I guess they make cell phones.

After the donation (I’m tempted to write “withdraw”) I sat at the snack table, received a bottle of water and bag of mini pretzels and waited for the whatever else would be joining that snack line-up.  There was none.  After, literally taking a pound of me, I received no juice, cookies, or much of anything that could prevent hypoglycemia.  At this rate, two or three blood drives from now donors will simply receive a plastic spoon with which to dig into a bowl of table sugar next to a water fountain.

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The day after a road trip I usually call out of work to take a day of rest.  This isn’t an absolute necessity but I like to get two nights sleep in my own bed, have some time to review photos, and then bake something for my coworkers.  This time was different.  I was going to go into work on Monday morning because dammit adults go into work on Monday mornings and I am an adult in the eyes of the law.

I showered and shaved after a few hours of sleep and rolled into work before 10 which is early for me.  My hope for a slow ramp-up died in the arms of two emergency testing requests which had me stay until after eight that evening.  Today was supposed to be my first day of at least faking adulthood for the first time in a while and it sucked.  But on the drive home I noted that I had made enough money to buy two FiberOne bars a day for a year.  Maybe adulthood has its perks.

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The plasma television at work arrived quickly.  Amazon made sure of that.  The TV was unboxed quickly.  My area supervisor made sure of that.  The TV was mounted somewhat quickly.  Facilities made sure of that.  The TV was connected through a slow and tedious process that involved me eventually stepping in and saying “you’re busy men, how about I just do this?”  Computer support made sure of that.

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Of all the life experiences I had culminating in my current job, working at RadioShack still ranks among the most useful.  It granted me the power to fake caring about what someone is saying AND set up a home theater system.  This skill was called upon when my area supervisor threw up his hands, yelled “I give up”, and asked me to select a flatscreen TV to replace the one in the CAD area that we used to play videos on tours.

My boss’s boss was keenly interested in the selection process and came by immediately upon learning the task had been passed to me.

Him: So, you’ll probably get a plasma?
Me: Plasmas generally consume more power and have burn-in issues if not properly maintained, that’s what did our last TV in.
Him: But the picture’s great.
Me: Modern LCD TVs are just as bright and rich.  We’ve figured out how to make good LCD TVs.
Him: But the contrast on plasma screens in remarkable.
Me: Backlit LED will do just as well.  I’ll see what the data says when I look for options.
Him: Ok. *leaves*
Supervisor: The guy that’s paying for us to get this and that can fire us requested a plasma.  I recommend you include that in your selection criteria.
Me: Noted.

First line from email sent at 4 PM that day. “I am pleased to announce I have selected the following plasma television for use by the CAD group”.

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Some work tasks require vigilance and not much else.  The test that waits for weight to drop, or a bag to burst, or a filter to fail all require nothing but attention and the technical acumen of a banana slug.  Normally, these tests mandate I check something periodically but I was tasked with troubleshooting a computer daemon where if it failed and was left unattended for six minutes or more it’d crash a server.  So, I had a lot of watchful waiting in my future.

My solution was to set a recurring alarm on my phone for every 330 seconds and to glance at the computer I remoted into and then go back to other things.  I knew I was going to have to do this for at least six hours and chose to play a video game to pass the time as it was 2 AM with little else to do.  The work computers aren’t particularly powerful so I opted for “And Yet It Moves“, an indie platformer that cost me $10.00.  The game ran well enough and I soon got into the rhythm on being interrupted glancing over, scanning for red, and returning.  I thought I had struck gold when two hours and 30 minutes into the minimum six hour observation period I beat the game.  I kept forgetting that “Indie” was old English for “short”.

So, I needed something I could do on a low power machine that fine with interruption and that I could get from the Internet without work noticing.  Time to download Freecell.