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I’ve been reading up on modern physics since camp ended to try and get back into the swing things.  After finally figuring out math of Hawking Radiation and how holographic information theory works i broached books with fewer pictures and more equations.

I got most of these texts from the library and as the difficulty level increased the page on which the previous reader left their bookmark decreased.  Each one of these passes left me giddy and reinvigorated and probably helped me finish in a few cases.

I imagine I’m not the only person who gets this feeling of triumph from beating someone else at reading.  I think we should sprinkle fake bookmarks through children’s books as a way to encourage reading and through more advanced works to reward adults for finishing legitimate literature.

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Two lodge members were attempting to get access to the Totem Wireless and both were having some difficultly.  After about 20 minutes of trying one threw his hands into the air saying “HPs can’t get onto the network”.  The other person who was trying to get on closed the lid of his HP and slinked away.  I helped the first person get online with some software-fu and all was right in the world.

Later, the 2nd person returned to me-
2nd person: Hey, Terry.
Me: Yeah?
2nd person: I know there’s rules on who can get online, but can you please lift the rule that stops HPs from going online?  I really need to do my homework.
Me: That makes no sense, why would I place a rule to stop certain types of computers and even if I did, I couldn’t possibly implement it, you’re re-… Yes, I will, but I’ll have to do something to your computer first.
2nd person: Ok.
Me: *Takes computer, clicks “Connect to network” in lower right hand corner of screen*
2nd person: What was the problem?
Me: A PEBKAC error.  I can’t fix it, but I made it go away.
2nd person: One day I hope I can fix them myself.
Me: Me too….

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I woke up at 8:20, prepared myself for a day of pre-release and left Totem Lodge at 8:40.  I drove to Wawa for two Turkey Sausage bagels, a strawberry milk, and a gallon bottle of water.  I drove another 15 minutes and arrived at the tournament venue when a terrible sense of wrongness overcame me: It was 8:55 on the morning of a pre-release and I was still in my car.  Normally, by then, I’d woken up at 5:30 AM, reviewed the current set’s FAQ while on the 6:04 AM train with people who didn’t realize the event wouldn’t open until 8:00 AM.

The TO brought pizza and I was done by 4:00 PM.  Being used to days at Magic Tournaments that’d scare a 19th century coal miner I couldn’t accept payment.  I didn’t run a pre-release I ran a large FNM followed by a booster draft.

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I was first worried that the new lodge executive board wouldn’t have the skills and abilities needed to thrive in Scouting and direct the lodge.  All this washed away when the lodge 2nd vice chief presented a motion that passed that the new lodge chief couldn’t say “awesome” more than twice a meeting.

That’s how parli pro was meant to be used.

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Until I get a computer account at work the scanner that’s my current partner must be accessed by a co-worker.  The computer automatically logs after 15 minutes of use.  I tried right-clicking and going to the Screensavers tab to adjust the time and couldn’t, so I called tech support and asked if there was an alternative.  For security reasons, they apparently tightly control the log-in period.  But there’s a back-door.  Despite spending millions on setting up a Group Policy and having IT bees buzz around and secure it, I have somehow have unmitigated access to the registry.  I promptly set the key ScreenSaverActive to “0” to disengage it and started looking around.  Every major security feature can be manually disabled through the registry.

I told my manager about this problem and he began looking around in confusion until his eyes lit up after seeing the key that sets the screen saver.

Manager: So I can finally change the screen saver I’ve been forced to stare at for 5 years with a picture of [a pretty lady].
Me: Yes, yes you can have [a sequence of nice ladies] as your screen saver.  But I’ve been told it’ll reset each night as the magical computer gnomes reset the group policy.
Manager: It’s worth it.

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  1. The middle seat of a minivan is usually roomier than the front seat if the vehicle was built before 2005.
  2. Ask anyone going on a long trip if the have bowel problems first, if so give them diapers and ban them from approaching soda machines.
  3. Never insult the driver, even if he can’t hear you yell at him to avoid the car in the next lane because he has earbuds in.
  4. Hardee’s makes a great burger, and if it’s your first time, a wonderful solid Draino.
  5. If they have a big collection of cards, they’re probably fat, if they have good points, they’re probably pale, if they refuse to identify themselves, they’re probably that dick from the forums.
  6. Never have the last waffle made before the batter is changed at a motel breakfast bar.
  7. Red Lobster is just nice enough that poor people dress up to go there, like I did as a kid going to the Ground Round.
  8. Love handles block A/C vents.
  9. Driving at 85 but stopping every hour to pee or get gas averages out to above 65.
  10. Chicago has 80 cent tolls.  Yep, you heard me, 80 cent tolls.  I’ve never left a city with more dimes.
  11. Two people who are both light sleepers and snore should not share a room.
  12. Never insult the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  13. Never hit on the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  14. Never hit the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  15. Chicago apparently puts it fountains in bathrooms (broken urinal) while Philly puts them in park squares.
  16. The driver should not be allowed to participate in the time honored game of holding your breath through a tunnel if the tunnel is more than a mile long…. or there’s traffic.

Pictures coming soon.

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The drawings I’ve been scanning have gotten successively larger and more unwieldy to the point where I think I’m scanning life size drawings of art deco skyscrapers.  Put in top, start feed, get coffee, drink coffee, get more coffee, pee, answer questions about the large hadron collider and return to catch the tail end entering the scanner.

Everyone’s been really polite about how profoundly boring the job is and the person responsible for most of them asked what he could do to make this easier in the future.  My reply: make nothing that can’t fit inside a pack of cigarettes.

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I was introduced today to someone who was previously my nemesis. But now, they have a goatee where once they were clean shaven. As Star Trek has taught us, alternate universe versions of people have the opposite personally. So, I got talking with what I assumed would be the nice goateed version of the person I had previously avoided. The initial signs were good, this person had moved from marketing to product development, and had switched from using Times New Roman to Calibri (probably done automatically by Word 2007 but I’ll take what I can get). But then I began talking to him and after the word forte was pronounced “forté” and coup de grâce turned into “blow of fat” (coup de gras). I left shortly after the word irregardless was used. Maybe this doppelganger didn’t come from a universe where I’m a track star and my brother is the teetotler.

Edit: Fixed egregious spelling of goatee.

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Me: Nice handbag.
Coworker: Thanks… wait that was an insult. What’s wrong with my handbag.
Me: Well, it’s a Penthouse bag.
Coworker: Yeah, doesn’t it look nice.
Me: Do you know what Penthouse is?
Coworker: Yes…. no. *begins typing Penthouse.com into browser, SITE BLOCKED warning comes up.* Oh, no.
Me: You might now want to do that again.
Coworker: It could be something else.
Me: Maybe. *checks on iPhone, finds Penthouse Magazine. Passes to coworker* See it even has the key logo
Coworker: Where’s the key logo?
Me: Look… closer.
Coworker: Oh. Well, you’re a jerk, but a useful jerk.
Me: Thanks, I think.

The joke was on me later when a coworker asked to see my phone and Penthouse Magazine was scrawled across it.

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I started a brief project (3 months) today that consists of scanning drawings, folding them, and sorting them both digitally and physically. It’s mind numbingly boring but there are a few redeeming factors:
1) I’m paid much better than a job of this type should pay.
2) The job doesn’t follow me at home in the least, unlike camp.
3) One of the conditions of my contract was an allowance for me to wear headphones. I’ve been listening to a lot of books on tape.

After about 6 hours of this, I asked the project lead why these drawings had to be scanned before being boxed. He replied that this information was important to have to scale and that some items would be hard to produce otherwise pointing at a drawing. He picked a bad drawing to point at. It was instructions on how to make a 4″ x 4″ square out of cardboard.