A coworker left and as is the sacred tradition of my workplace, we drew lots for his crap. I emerged with a 22″ monitor that most of my coworkers didn’t realize could be used in tandem with my existing one each computer in the CAD group has a double dual-link DVI-capable video card.   I connected the 2nd monitor and suddenly felt at home. Not quite my 2560×1600 30-incher but I was wrapped in monitor again with roughly 90° of my field of view taken up by screen. So at home, in fact I began searching for TOR proxy stuff I’d been looking for, luckily the crack between the screens revealed the drab off-white paint of my generic office encampment before IT could realize how much of a 1337 h4xor I was. Aside benefit is the confuse the setup induces; the lowest guy on the totem-pole has the pimpest rig. Maybe I should do some case mods or bring in an illuminated keyboard and maybe they’ll give me a business card. Even the group leader was interested saying “it looks neat, but I’m not sure it’d work with the stuff I use. Maybe I’ll start out with something small and work my way up.” He constantly has 9 things open at full screen, his head’s going to pop off when he tries it.
Month: December 2008
Catnip for Truckers
My father recently purchases a Truckers’ Atlas, which is like a normal atlas but with a lot more marked bridges and a lot fewer tourist locations. He’s literally been paging through it like an LLBean or Campmor catalog making little noises like he’s impressed or surprised and sometimes even chuckle to himself. Mind you, this is a collection of highway maps.  He’s been particularly enamored with the Standard Distance Tables which are used by firms to determine the wage to pay to get from one point to another at one point blurting out “wow, I never knew how far it was to Moab”. I wonder what he’d do if he figured out how to make GoogleMaps mashups.
Effort: The Dark Side
During the staff volleyball bananza I was panned for not exerting enough effort to return the ball. I wasn’t being lazy, simply efficient. Getting me, to a point 3 feet in front of me in a period under 1/10 of a second would induce an impulse equivalent to a V-2 rocket so flailing wildly is by far more effective.
After one jibe I decided to show my team-mates the error of their ways. I went after every ball. No matter the direction, number of people in the way, chances of return or risk to person or equipment I went after it. A few minutes of near decapitations, skylight-bound shots, fistballs, and some Braveheart-like cries of fear Nick Gramiccioni pulled me aside saying, “Terry, I’m sorry. I never thought I’d say this to someone but, please stop going after the ball and just stay still.”
Victory!
Staff Reunion and Scrabble Reborn
I don’t want to say the staff reunion was a disappointment, Joe, Dan, Dave, Ed, Marc and myself could have just eaten pizza at CFS and I would have been happy but more people would have been enjoyable.  After two hours of volleyball involving feets of fat-crobatics like Chris Rinelli mocking somone then eating volleyball or Joe Naylor, Pat Toye and I making it appear that Bob Fosse was fielding a corpulent volleyball/dance troupe.
Later we played Scrabble and after staring at ACEILLH and thinking “ACHILLES” isn’t legal, like in a dream HELICAL came to me. I did a word check found CHALLIE to exist and BAM 78 points. Maybe I should give up Scrabble so soon.
Staff Reunion and Scrabble Reborn
I don’t want to say the staff reunion was a disappointment, Joe, Dan, Dave, Ed, Marc and myself could have just eaten pizza at CFS and I would have been happy but more people would have been enjoyable.  After two hours of volleyball involving feets of fat-crobatics like Chris Rinelli mocking somone then eating volleyball or Joe Naylor, Pat Toye and I making it appear that Bob Fosse was fielding a corpulent volleyball/dance troupe.
Later we played Scrabble and after staring at ACEILLH and thinking “ACHILLES” isn’t legal, like in a dream HELICAL came to me. I did a word check found CHALLIE to exist and BAM 78 points. Maybe I should give up Scrabble so soon.
Scrabble Relapse
For years my hobbies were obscure enough that none of many family dare get me anything related to them for Christmas. That was until I decided to take up Scrabble. I swore it off a few weeks ago, but apparently not loudly enough as I’ve received a Scrabble Calendar, Scrabble Dictionary, Scrabble Portable (which is quite nice), Scrabble Word-Builder and a subscription to the Scrabble MMORPG.
Next time I get a hobby, it’s going to be collecting Fabrige Eggs.
The Robinson Christmas and the Speaker of Doom
Christmas went well. I woke at 1 AM, took a walk, read, shot people, and prepared for a new day. About 7:30 AM I prepared breakfast, then spend 2 hours waiting for someone to wake up. I opted not to roust the house with slamdancing and assumed the scent of delectable breakfast meats would do. Apparently sausage doesn’t waft as well as one would anticipate. At 10 AM gifts were exchanged and by 10:02 my father and I were done and watched the love-match between my brother and his girlfriend take turns out-gifting one another. Somewhere in the middle my brother got a really nice miter saw. He doesn’t really use or need one, but should he, he’ll have a really nice one at the ready. In other news I think my brother won Christmas, but I suspect him of cheating as Amanda pitched in on the tiebreaking decorative bench.
My single gift request for 2008 was a new speaker set for my computer and received the Logitech Z-5500 set. I thought they’d be much smaller and found of the 55 lb package that 54 lbs was the sub woofer. This fucker’s HUGE with a warning label cautioning not to use it within 2 feet of magnetically sensitive devices like pacemakers or credit cards (or simply ‘electronics’ as they put it). It has an air intake for it’s turbocharger (I assume that’s what it is) big as my fist and fat heat-sink. I’m confident I could sit on it while playing whale songs or something equally bassy and ride the thing like a hovercraft. Alternatively, sneak it into Bestbuy and play Foreplay by Boston and permanently magnetize every CRT and erase every hard drive there.  I can now hear entire instruments that I could make out before like the “bones” in Great Big Seas Rant and Roar album or the wicked Bonnie Rait-inspired slide guitar opening to Appalachian Spring; true story.
My brother asked why I had the speakers on when I wore headphones while playing Team Fortress 2. The answer: With the headphones, I can hear my enemies. With the speakers, I can feel them.
Painfully Slow Driving
4:00 AM, lots of ice, car looks frosted, wipers on, wait.
Cleaned windshield, speed limit driving, Escalades skidding out, smile.
Very slow driver, can’t pass, stop at sandwich shop.
Eat sandwich, return to road, stuck behind same slow driver five miles later.
People like this should be forced to walk.
The Inventiveness of Children
Relayed conversation from coworker yesterday:
Kid 1: Well what happened to Jesus after he died?
Kid 2: He went away.
Kid 1: Well, what happened to his body?
Kid 2: It wasn’t in the cave where he was buried.
Kid 1: Why not?
Kid 2: Lions.
Holiday Jerks 2008
I enjoy the onslaught of emails, calls and Facebook messages I receive around the holidays from former high school associates. Their saccharine sentiment that makes them feel like they’re doing missionary work from the Church of Cool that usually goes something like “hey gang!  It’s your arrogant friend who left for the big city.  I’m going to be inyour backwater hovel for a week and want to give you the honor of hearing me wax idiotic about how worldly I am now.”
Normally my response ranges from silence to “I hope you die of amoebic dysentery in a ditch” but Joe Naylor has provided another option: “Isn’t my face red. I’ve been so busy being useful to society and accomplishing things like not being a douch that I forgot you existed.” I think I may try this take as a New Year’s resolution. What tactics do you use?