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On reflection, our ninja tenants don’t quite live with us so much as they’ve infiltrated our home. One appears to have simple preferences as witnessed by the food that’s magically appeared consisting of:

  • 8 jars of self-canned peach preserves
  • 4 bags of Easter candy
  • 24 bottles of some protein drink
  • 4 3-packs of egg substitute
  • 6 8-oz bottles of Canada Dry Seltzer Water
  • A small plastic canister of cloves

Maybe if combined properly they form the ninja equivalent of the Philosopher’s Stone.  If I ever actually see one of our tenants, I will ask.  Assuming I’m not hit with a poison dart or the Vulcan nerve pinch first.

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My company requires IE6 on its computers and bars upgrading. One can install another browser as long as you import the network settings and I’ve used both Firefox and Chrome without incident since September. Today, I had a conversation with my boss about it.

Boss: So, the people that do the web app we use for doc management has recommended I try “The Firefox”. What is it?
Me: It’s a web browser, like Internet Explorer but without the suck.
Boss: I thought IE was the only browser after the loss of Netscape Navigator. Is it expensive?
Me: It’s free, and has a plugin architecture that’s quite keen.
Boss: I don’t know. I’ve always been skeptical of anyone who’d give their software away.

Anyway, he gave it a try and is now going through some sort of browser experimentation phase. I think I saw him run Firefox, IE, Safari and Konquerer simultaneously. I was worried at first that he’d gone overboard but he’s a sharp fellow. Although I may have to intervene if I see him using Flock, Opera or Ice Weasel.

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I can’t vote for Supreme Court justices and my vote for almost every other election is washed out in a sea of blue as a resident of Pennsyltucky, but one place where my vote will always have numerical power is local elections. Most people shun this opportunity to vote for coroner, register of wills, and such but I relish the opportunity to try and take down our tax collector. The office is open less than 20 hours a week and when asked why my father was told “well, I do a lot of work at home, too”. WHY NOT JUST DO IT AT THE OFFICE. It’s great that you’re open from 11-1 on Tuesdays and 9 PM to 4 AM on the Ides of March but real hours would be swell due to the irony of the people that have to pay you being job holders who are otherwise unavailable during your “business” hours.

So, it was about 7:45 PM (polls close at 8):
Me: Did you vote today?
Dad: There were elections today? Is it vote that dumb bitch out of office day?
Me: It may be.
Dad: To the polls!

My dad voted first, and I was right behind him as the poll closed with me being voter 200. I was in the booth when he exited and we met up again at home:
Me: It was a primary.
Him: It was a primary.
Me: A Republican primary, everyone runs unopposed in a Republican primary.
Him: I did a write in.
Me: Me too.
Him: I wrote “anyone else”
Me: He got my vote too. Good to know he’s gaining popularity.

If “Anyone Else” makes it to the general election with three votes (my brother hates her to) I will know democracy works. And that the dumb bitch is an unpopular dumb bitch.

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Sometimes I embellish dialog to make a narrative clear. Today, I have no need.
Woman: Are you, Terry?
Me: I am.
Woman: And are these where the muffins are?
Me: Were, they’re gone.
Woman: So you do bake. So do I, I’m here to challenge you.
Me: Oh, ok.
Woman: I brought in brownies Friday, and they’re still here. (That’s a display of prowess?)
Me: And you’re challenging me to?
Woman: Bake.
Me: I do, we just talked about muffins.
Woman: I am the queen of baking, and it I will remain. I’m not going to lose my crown to an upstart.
Me: Persuant to my statement of sex in HR, I am fine with you being the queen of baking. (Also, I’ve been here longer)
Woman: *Scowl* One day, I will challenge you.
Me: Ok.
Somehow, this has been spreading around and I’ve randomly stopped in the hall-

Coworker #1: Don’t worry, Terry. She makes a fine cupcake, but she couldn’t match you in muffins.
Coworker #2: I have a faith in you. I have tasted your bacon cookies, and I became a better person.
Coworker #2: Don’t fucking worry, she fucking burns every fucking thing she’s ever fucked *awkward moment* up making.

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Teejay Green and I initiated Operation:Fat Bet today. We’ve each set a monthly weight loss goal and will owe the other person $200 each month we fail to meet it. Teejay rightly pointed out that there’s a spot of a Prisoner’s Dilemma to the thing. If either of us finds ourselves hopelessly unable to meet our goal, there’s a strong imperative to make the other person fail as well. Should June 10th roll around and my success should prove fleeting, I’m going to need to find a way to either hypnotize or master Jedi Mind Tricks to force Teejay to eat an entire turkey.

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I talk with the Hispanic gentlemen from housekeeping periodically and he seems to latch on to various mannerisms and the most recent was me giving him a thumps up as a way of illustrating my emotional state. Normally, I have an obligatory hello in the morning, once around lunch and possibly on the way out and each would solicit some sort of response. Now, he appears to be seeking me out to get a thumbs up. On Monday, I gave him a single thumbs up, and by Thursday he could only be sated with two double thumbs up. I fear by the end of next week, 60% of my day will be spent giving him a thumbs up. I will have to run faster and faster to stay in place.

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JJ Abrams Star Trek was a 12.  Easily blowing away First Contact and Undiscovered Country as my favorite.  Some notes:

  • When Chekov Harold Zulu Sulu raises his hand to indicate his skill in hand-to-hand combat he should have shouted “pick me, I’m Asian!”
  • Spock has cauliflower ear, he didn’t previously.  Probably got it kickin’ ass and taking apostrophed names on Vulcan.
  • JJ Abrams either bought a lens flare plugin for FinalCut Pro or bought them in bulk from Costco
  • The navigational deflectors didn’t deflect the debris around Vulcan

In other news I found that the guy I slyly called a jerk at the Neshaminy Red Robins remembers me from January.  Time to grow a beard and wear sunglasses or start going to the red Robins in Oxford Valley.  I’m kinda impressed/scared he remembered an offhanded comment made to a server via napkin from four months ago.

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After a former temp left, my weekly routine of Wednesday lunch with my same-aged cohort at work was broken until I reached out and found two other folk under 35 to join us for this week.  We discussed our coworkers, jobs, backgrounds and such and was unsure if this’d continue until an exchange as we returned to our labs a little over an hour after leaving:

Coworker: Wow, I didn’t know you could spend an hour just discussing the quirks and oddities of your coworkers.
Me: Yep.
Coworker: So…. same time next week?
Me: Yep.
Coworker: Ok, I’ll take notes this time.

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A tenant had a friend that stayed for the night who wasn’t probably used to other people in her near acquaintance.  The door to my brother’s former room opened and the guest began petting my dog, Max and uttering traditional dog baby talk.  She suddenly stopped, and mildly stunned faced panned through the door gap to look up and see me sitting at my desk mercing bitchs.  The door closed quickly.  Moments later, the door opened and she walked to the rest room wearing a grey t-shirt held to her knees with a force of determination that’d make most bull riders jealous.  Normally I have to open my mouth to make people feel awkward.

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For the first time, my father, our two tenants and I were watching Jeopardy when some jerk from Harvard was telling a dumb story about how he improperly addressed Ségolène Royal in French.  One, I don’t need to be told who the head of French Socialist Party is.  Two, I don’t care about your stupid grammar snafu, you’re going to Harvard, you can do better.  Later:

Dad: I don’t like him.
Dave: wow, that guy from Harvard’s a douche.
John: He’s a douche nozzle.
Me: I also believe him to be a douche.

Dave called him a manslut when he failed to bet enough during a Double Jeopardy answer and for the first time in a while, I felt like I was part of a family again.