One of the staff competitions I started was a limerick contest for poems starting with “There once was a man named Bill Mischke” and “There once was a man named Tom Leitz”.  The winning result for the first:

There once was a man named Tom Leitz
Who didn’t get into many fights
Some thought him a dope
But as he drove through New Hope
he only stopped for red traffic lights
Background: To call Tom a homophobe would be like calling a person with crippling arachnophobia “not a spider person”.

Leader Meeting, grr…. Notes:
1) Jordan Kivitz has somehow picked up an Irish accent
2) After taking a barrage of questions over the poorly thought out Pack and Paddle program, all Scoutmasters gave me the “I’m so sorry for you” face after I told them it was the Council Executive’s idea.
3) The science director returned after some brain circulation issues much nicer than I remember.  I think some of the dumb bitch cells were starved of oxygen.  If this line were a newspaper headline: BRAIN BLOCKAGE BARS BITCHINESS (Thanks, Matt!)
4) Never provide a Scoutmaster with a personal email address.  Their annoying questions are harder to kill off than a colony of cockroaches.

A co-worker and I went out to lunch.  He wanted a quick hamburger and as we passed a Burger-King I asked him his beef with BK.  He indicated the value menu of McDonald’s was superior and that he could get a double cheeseburger for 99 cents versus 1.59 at BK.  This made sense until the 10 minute mark passed in his Diesel Passat and we’d traveled another 5 miles.  After some quick math:  Cost to save 59 cents = (10 extra miles) (2.86/Gal. diesel)/(27 mpg City) = 1.048.  Not to mention the lost time and inferior preparation.  No wonder he’s moving to marketing.

The trained was packed today, but these were people not used to a packed train and ignored the basic rules of train etiquette.  The ideal passenger behaves like taffy, moving gently to accommodate those around you.  Instead, today’s trainfolk acted like water.  When someone got up, the seated people immediately expanded to fill all possible space.  If even after expansion there was blank space, objects would appear, book bags, small children, coats, and in one case a flowered-filled vase instantly filled the blank space.  Sick of this, I went to the seat with the women who decided her vase deserved to seat.  I made eye contact, she looked at the vase and then at me in arrogant disgust with a look that said “You would put your butt where one the aesthetic of the flower sat?”  I reply with a face that said “I may have to consult a proctologist when I’m done, but I will have my butt is rock to your vases scissors”.  The vase was moved, and I resumed playing FreeCell on my tablet.

One of the IH text on which the final was based was Clifford’s Blues, a book so unread it’s wikipedia article is barely a stub.  Today I received about 5 emails from classmates claiming they’d lost the book or couldn’t remember a key part for the question.
My response: The primatial causation to Dr. Nyassa’s autosomatoelectroexicution lie within the vicissitudes of the his German Socialist’s allopathic consanguinity’s choice of methodologies to cause the delivery cessation of  his bifurcatorial homoculi.  Hermatospermia would be the only ejaculatory result as the vas deferens were abbreviated denying an action shown in even primative petrasomatoglyphic depictions.

I figure if they can figure that out, they deserve the answer.  Real answer: Nazi’s stopped his baby-maker from working.  I’m officially a condescending prick.

I vacuumed my room today for the first time in a month and a lot of atlatl dart feather snippets were picked up, it looks like turkey popped inside my Dyson.
Aside: Sean Hawley asked for a Dyson Vacuum Cleaner for Christmas.  I thought I was bad for getting carpet for my birthday.

We recently reached an impasse in the new fake poo formulation and were discussing it over lunch with comments like “we need more fat to hold it together, how about adding shortening?” or “try it with less peanut butter”.  After freewheeling a couple of these ideas for better poo I overheard an obese woman say “I don’t know what they’re talking about but it sounds delicious”.  I’m tempted to bring her some.

While atlatlry was a double-edge sword of fun and sunburn.  Shaving with sunburn is one of my least favorite past-times but in that it was my mother’s birthday, I wasn’t going to let her laugh at me over ribs at the Churchville Inn.  I applied shaving cream and set to task with my Shick Quattro.  All went well until I hit the half-way mark of my chin.  I guess due to how I stood at the Camporee the left half of my face was much more sunburnt than the right and the first stroke of the razor proved this.  I had the choice of looking like the aliens from Let This Be Your Last Battlefield or searing pain.  Each time the razor went over toasted skin I grimaced, looked in the mirror, and said to myself “ribs”.

The atlatl range was wildly popular at the Camporee with approximately 4500 darts having been launched.  Part of the success was the simplified atlatl that used a Y-shaped dart holder in the front that were simply held in place with friction.  Late in the day, some groups went through repeatedly and one kid began annoying me as he butting in front of other kids.  Then this:
Him: Why does the y-thing swivel.
*Nick Lutz was about to answer but I jumped in.
Me: That’s the atlatl safety, we set it to OFF so people can’t use it if someone’s down range.
Later he kept butting in front of people and I walked over and rotated the dart holder to OFF.  He walked away sadly.

The precision fart detector has to be shipped out and I brought all the parts down to the warehouse to ship everything.  I was worried that the parts weren’t going to be shipped that day so I talked the shipping manager.
Him: How important is this stuff?
Me: That’ll explode if that doesn’t get service, that piece’s price is represented as a multiple of the GDP of Burundi , and if that piece isn’t handled correctly a cloud of gas that will make you envy being in an over-used porta-potty at a chili convention.
I think they’ll receive it Monday.