Total attendance: 25 including host
Food prepared: 63 lbs
Food remaining: 26 lbs
Food consumed per guest: 1.5 lbs
Hot Appetizers Remaining: 0
Deviled Eggs Remaining: 0
Artisan Cheese Remaining: 0
Fondue Remaining: Almost all of it.  I f-ed up my first fondue :-(

Drinks Purchased or Prepared: 12 gallons
Drinks Remaining: 5 gallons
Drinks consumed per guest: 1.12 quarts
Wassail Remaining: 0
Diet Mountain Dew Remaining: 0

Cost per head: About $22.

There was a ridiculous amount of food but there was also a ridiculous amount of consumption.  The items least touched where the macaroni salad and my fondue.

For next time:
Coordinate guest dishes better
Bring out entree earlier, everyone was full by the time the pork loin and chicken were done
Be more selective in what dishes go in the chaffing dishes

Target Cost Per Head: $17.00

Hours of Preparatory House Cleaning: 30 + clean-up and setup help from guests.
Estimated Seating Capacity of House: 32 unless I get more chairs.

I think I may try again in the Spring if I can find a suitable excuse.

Part of me approaches adulthood as an anthropologist where I feel compelled to explore and understand alien rituals.  In this case, the ritual is the post-college party and it is alien because it involves the trappings of adulthood which I view with skepticism.  There is a power to making something your own and I intended to make this party my own with a reasonably diverse menu and a reasonably diverse guest list.    24 people attended and I’m glad everyone seemed to find a place to sit when they need to.  I prepared a goodly collection of foods for the evening but my guests brought more and the serving areas quickly ran out of table space, what I consider a happy problem.

I was initially worried that we’d not have anything to do but that stopped being a concern when I heard shouts of cheer from the rec room.  My guests had created a drinking game out of putting a Roomba on a pool table.  Hazaa for geeks.  Later, the large group broke up into clusters in the dining room, kitchen, and rec room while Whit, Joe, and Pat held court in the Living room.

I can think of no other way to phrase it except to say that for the first time in a while I was content when I expected to only be satisfied.  A thank you to my guests who made entertaining much easier than I thought it’d be.

I volunteered to participate in a clinical study at work where I was paid $50 to read a set of instructions and then attempt to administer a new product on a dummy.  I had never seen the product before or used one of its type but the instructions were clear and, unlike ASTM and ISO methods, there were nice pictures.  Having spent the previous 8 years as a lab monkey, the clinical was a breeze and I finished the whole thing in about 30 minutes.   Some of the other participants seemed to have more trouble and I was glad I could make R&D look good but then I got to thinking.  If one compounded the difficulty of my other testing work with the amount of time I spend on it and normalized it to the rate I was paid for this clinical which included snacks, I should be a mere $200,00 a year.  That check should come any day now.

My  mother and I visited Sam’s Club every other week for years when I was a child, a magical place combining free samples, large televisions, and a giant bin of cardboard boxes.   Then Sam’s Club dropped from our family purchasing habits and my dad maintained a membership strictly to purchase 10 gallons of hydraulic oil every now and then.  I borrowed his card and ventured to Sam’s this time to prepare for a party.  The proportions had not changed as 15 lbs was the smallest size I could find of chicken breasts but the electronics department had.  Sam’s now had DSLRs which I presume are available as a six pack for 5% less.  I escaped with about 60 lbs of food plus paper products of which most will probably not be consumed this weekend.  Should my guests consume all 5 lbs of cocktail peanuts, 6 lbs of apples, and 8 lbs of cheese, I will be proud.  Otherwise, I should have left overs that extend clear to the next ice age.

I asked a coworker to email me a picture and he used Gmail’s drag-and-drop feature to send it.  I received it to my gmail account (our work has a file size limit) but received the following instead:


Gmail asked me “do you want to open this in a separate page?” I clicked yes thinking I could then save the text as a file and rename it but got the following:


Stupid Soviet Bloc png files.

As the end of the year approaches, there’s been a notable uptick in internal email at my company about promotions, free seminars, facilities options and the like and all are marked “Important” or “Urgent” in Outlook.  I consider this tagging almost an insult and after reviewing all the mail I’ve received over the past year and seeing that no one else uses these labels, I have set up a mail filter that automatically marks as junk anything I receive marked as “Important”.  Congratulations, they’ve broken email again.  Should I ever get fired for missing a legit email which was marked as important I will gather my things and say “you may blame me, but the real culprits are the cafeteria lady, the blood drive captain, and person that arranged the Halloween party”.  My head will be held high.

My divorced parents are going on a cruise, together, over what used to be their anniversary (don’t get me started) so I am bird sitting for my mother.  Admiral Johnny Depp is my mother’s 9 year old cockatoo and I was told to put him to bed each night at six by putting a sheet over his cage.  Today, I didn’t get home until seven and he was squawking and carrying on in the darkened house.  I threw the sheet over his cage so it went from dark to a slightly different dark and he seemed to calm down considerably.  I wonder if there’s a state where I would ever be disquieted by an analog sunset.

For the last few days, my work time has consisted of testing hospital incontinence devices that look like inflatable donuts attached to a garden hose.  One test involves determining how much force it takes to remove one from a fake butt and today the housekeeper asked me what the item was for.  The housekeeper speaks very little English and I speak enough Spanish to be dangerous so I try my best.  The conversation translated looked like this:

Him: What’s that for?
Me: People who are in hospitals.
Him: What kind of people?
Me: People who are very sick.
Him: Oh, does everyone use one?
Me: No, *thinks about how to say what it does with my meager Spanish* it is for people with broken asses.
Him: *look of horror* I understand.

Just in case you need to know, “Sirve para las personas con culos rotos” roughly means “it is for people with broken asses.”  I should work for the UN.

I had two event tickets to get rid of so I gave stubhub a try as a way to sell them.  Both sold within 48 hours of posting and I was off to the FedEx Kinko’s store to send them.

Me: Do you have envelopes that accept non-adhesive labels?
Kinko’s Guy: Yeah, go to the mailing station over there, it’s blueeeeee (he held onto the “o” noise for a few seconds).  There will be the bad ass little envelopes with a clear window on them.
Me: Thanks.
Kinko’s Guy: I can show youuuuu if you get lost.
Me: I’ll be fine, I think.  *walks to station, gets envelope, inserts label* I’d like to send this.
Kinko’s Guy: Sweeeeeeeet. *holds envelope in front of him*

I wish I could bring this stoned vigor to my workplace.