The Oral Surgeon told me that I’d be out like a light for my five tooth extraction (apparently I have a long lost baby tooth that’s been smothered for like 15 years that no one wanted to tell me about).  When I asked if there was a separate anesthesiologist and he said “No, don’t worry you’ll be out good but you’ll still be able to breath.  I’m a great bartender.”  Then he winked at me.  Good that I’ll still be able to breath.  What the fuck does bartending have to do about it?  Was the wink supposed to calm me?

I’ve been operating a tester that rubs a material against another material in a Lissajous Curve.  Normally this is done about 100 times taking about 2 minutes, but this work order required 1500 strokes during which I must stare at a glorified spirograph.  I watched it for a few minutes and promptly fell asleep and woke up 40 minutes later with no one in the room and I thought I was safe.  Later a co-worker asked me if I’d been having trouble sleeping because of my tooth and I asked how she knew.
She:  I was looking for something in L’s lab and saw you at the Martindale.  At first I thought you were just watching it really intently, then when you still stared at it after it stopped running and you made a little whistly snore noise I figured I should leave you alone.
Lesson learned: Sleeping while you should be watching an experiment is nearly as reinvigorating as falling a sleep while you should be paying attention in Calc 3.

I woke up with a hell of a toothache and neither mouth wash nor salt water would destroy the pain.  I stumbled into work, everyone gives me the “you look like you got hit by a bus but I’ll be nice and act like you look fine” face and after wincing about 20 times in a conversation my boss offers me an Advil. MEDICINE IS BETTER THAN CRACK!  I took it, and my tooth hurt less!  Why was I not told about this earlier?! <– I’d put an interrobang here but FrontPage doesn’t support it.

I was looking up ballistics gel over lunch as I’d like to test the penetrating power of an atlatl dart when by boss walks by and gives me a frowny face, points to my monitor and says “not at work, don’t be stupid”.  Not quite sure what he was talking about I close FireFox and resume not working.  About 3 minutes later he returns and says
Him: ballistics gel, the stuff that goes boom or the stuff that firearms testers make fake torsos from?
Me:  Fake torso gel.
Him: Going to test the penetrating power of an atlatl dart?
Me: Yes
Him: Carry on.

I discovered that Bill Mischke may be a normal person.
Bill: You’ll go through a box of Honey Bunches of Oats and pick out the little nut clustery things.
Ellen: Shut up! *Sits on Bill in an attempt to silence him*
Bill: What are you trying to do to me?
Ellen: Shut up!  The only reason you know that is because I caught you with a box of cereal emptied out on the table trying to find the same brown clusters.
Bill:  And if you didn’t steal them I wouldn’t have to.
Ellen: Buy your own!
If only this was covered in Family Life Merit Badge.

I went to lunch with Nick at Perkins to try and convince him not to run for Section chief and the fact that the Warminster Perkins is manned by a pile of genetic rejects.  Here’s why:1. Upon entering I went to the bathroom and emerged to Nick not having been seated.  When I asked why he hadn’t been seated the host said “I thought he was just looking at pies”.

2. I ordered a cheese omelet with ham and Nick got a ham and cheese omelet.  Mine somehow cost 1.29 more.

3. When I paid I left a tip of 4.12 which the cashier had to manually punch in.  She somehow entered 4.15 cents apologized and gave me a quarter.

4. While apologizing she mentioned they’ve had a bad day to which I responded “yeah, that police caution tape over there was our first indicator.” Causing her to stare over in the corner for 15 seconds and then saying she needed to get her glasses.  A forehead slap ensued.

I walked into the dentist office and felt like I got hit by an estrogen bomb.  The walls were light pink, the scrubs were purple and there was chilled bottled water for new folks.  I checked in and the Jewish grandmother I spoke with indeed turned out to be a Jewish grandmother which was doubly verified when I was called “her little trooper” or something equally cute.  I fill in the forms and when asked when I last saw a dentist responded with “the Berlin wall had just falling and Regan was lookin’ fine” which got a funny stare from the ditzy hygienist who I then just said “six years” to.  I fear she won’t understand my hyperbole and may believe than the wall fell in 2001.Anyway, I started talking with her and asked her if she planned on being a dentist “I used to want to be a hygienist, but don’t want to clean people’s teeth everyday.  I want to be where the action is, I’m thinking of becoming an orthodontist.”

I walked into the dentist office and felt like I got hit by an estrogen bomb.  The walls were light pink, the scrubs were purple and there was chilled bottled water for new folks.  I checked in and the Jewish grandmother I spoke with indeed turned out to be a Jewish grandmother which was doubly verified when I was called “her little trooper” or something equally cute.  I fill in the forms and when asked when I last saw a dentist responded with “the Berlin wall had just falling and Regan was lookin’ fine” which got a funny stare from the ditsy hygienist who I then just said “six years” to.  I fear she won’t understand my hyperbole and may believe than the wall fell in 2001.Anyway, I started talking with her and asked her if she planned on being a dentist “I used to want to be a hygienist, but don’t want to clean people’s teeth everyday.  I want to be where the action is, I’m thinking of becoming an orthodontist.”